These past couple of days I have really been missing Calgary. Yesterday was a really gross and rainy day in the east, and today was not REALLY pleasant either.
I don't really know exactly what it is that I'm missing, I just really wish I was there.
I spent the day yesterday (before going to work) working on my taxes for 2008 and 2009, and applying for student loans. It was litterally exhausting. By the end of it I was so frustratd, so tired and so cranky I was almost late for work due to my mild anxious episode. I totally freaked out. I hate dealing with stuff like this. It's hard work. I hate money. I just want to be back in Calgary; because when I'm finally there, it means all this other stuff has been looked after. I also tried to call for the appartment I wanted, yesterday, and found out I won't know anything about it until late August (which is past when I really wanted to be moved in)! It was just a frustrating day, and today was not much better. I feel like I'm doing all this work and not getting anything out of it.
I'm always working on something, talking to someone, working through something, and yet I have no idea what I've accomplished lately. I just feel stuck, and I don't know how to get unstuck. Any ideas?
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to complain. I do know it will all work out, because I do know that Calgary is where I am supposed to be, and I do know I'm supposed to be going to school and all of that. I know it has to work out, but it's taking a long time for me to adjust to being one of those people who has no plans! I usually plan everything. It's kind of ridiculous, even I know that. But it keeps me sane. I know, in advanced, what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to eat, what I'm going to do, who I'm going to see, every day! I know it's kind of silly, and I know it doesn't always work out according to the plan but I am just one of the ones who needs the security of having the plan.
Right now I have no plan. I haven't really had a plan since I finished school in April. I knew I was moving back to Nova Scotia in May, and that is all I had planned. It's really hard for me to go with the flow and I feel like the entire world around me is like a huge river. I'm too scared to jump in, because I don't have a pool noodle or anything to grab onto. I'm all ready with my swim suit and sun screen, but I can't take that leap. I need to learn to go with the flow. Maybe I'll start by not planning farther than a month ahead. Then maybe, someday, I'll be able to live my life day by day, in the moment. I've always wanted to be that fun and spontaneous girl everyone loves to love. I'm planning to work my way toward her.
I don't know how it will happen yet. I don't know how it's supposed to turn out, but maybe that's the beauty of it. I haven't worked out all the details yet, but maybe that's supposed to be a good thing. I don't really know how this is supposed to work, but maybe that's what will make it so adventurous. I could use adventure in my life.
So here it goes. This is the plan: to stop making plans!
I don't really know exactly what it is that I'm missing, I just really wish I was there.
I spent the day yesterday (before going to work) working on my taxes for 2008 and 2009, and applying for student loans. It was litterally exhausting. By the end of it I was so frustratd, so tired and so cranky I was almost late for work due to my mild anxious episode. I totally freaked out. I hate dealing with stuff like this. It's hard work. I hate money. I just want to be back in Calgary; because when I'm finally there, it means all this other stuff has been looked after. I also tried to call for the appartment I wanted, yesterday, and found out I won't know anything about it until late August (which is past when I really wanted to be moved in)! It was just a frustrating day, and today was not much better. I feel like I'm doing all this work and not getting anything out of it.
I'm always working on something, talking to someone, working through something, and yet I have no idea what I've accomplished lately. I just feel stuck, and I don't know how to get unstuck. Any ideas?
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to complain. I do know it will all work out, because I do know that Calgary is where I am supposed to be, and I do know I'm supposed to be going to school and all of that. I know it has to work out, but it's taking a long time for me to adjust to being one of those people who has no plans! I usually plan everything. It's kind of ridiculous, even I know that. But it keeps me sane. I know, in advanced, what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to eat, what I'm going to do, who I'm going to see, every day! I know it's kind of silly, and I know it doesn't always work out according to the plan but I am just one of the ones who needs the security of having the plan.
Right now I have no plan. I haven't really had a plan since I finished school in April. I knew I was moving back to Nova Scotia in May, and that is all I had planned. It's really hard for me to go with the flow and I feel like the entire world around me is like a huge river. I'm too scared to jump in, because I don't have a pool noodle or anything to grab onto. I'm all ready with my swim suit and sun screen, but I can't take that leap. I need to learn to go with the flow. Maybe I'll start by not planning farther than a month ahead. Then maybe, someday, I'll be able to live my life day by day, in the moment. I've always wanted to be that fun and spontaneous girl everyone loves to love. I'm planning to work my way toward her.
I don't know how it will happen yet. I don't know how it's supposed to turn out, but maybe that's the beauty of it. I haven't worked out all the details yet, but maybe that's supposed to be a good thing. I don't really know how this is supposed to work, but maybe that's what will make it so adventurous. I could use adventure in my life.
So here it goes. This is the plan: to stop making plans!
I hope your plan to make no plans is working. I still make a lot of plans for myself but I've tried to limit myself less. I used to plan out all my outfits when I go on trips, but now I just pack the things I like and let each day be a surprise. That's just one example. My other thought for you is that I had a plan for many years. A plan to finish school, travel, find a guy, get married, have babies etc etc. Jeremy mixed my whole plan up and some days that scares me but as long as you pray and get God's reassurance that your still following his plan, you'll always be working with some sort of plan. Does that makes sense? I hope so.
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