bad news bears.

I got some bad news today. When I heard about it I thought to myself "this is the worst thing you could tell me right now". I really am stressed out about it, and really don't know what I'm going to do next to fix it. It's going to be hard to deal with, that much is true, but since my first reaction I have lots about worse things it could have been.
There are million things worse than this that could have happened. This is going to make a rough couple of weeks or month or so but we'll figure it out and count our blessings til then.
Blessing number 1: Eric and I are going to study in Austria in the fall. We are getting ready for our extra long European honeymoon (basically) starting in September. He's been working hard to apply for this for the past couple months or so. Hearing good news back about that was a great way to start the week.
Blessing number 2: Eric got the summer job he was hoping for. This one has also been a work in progress for a while now, but he's heard back now and will be working in an accounting position for the summer, which is just fantastic!
Blessing number 3: A ride home from work (leaving half an hour early) with my wonderful future father-in-law. Isn't that handy to have him working here with me.
This day sucks, but tomorrow will be better. Everything is going to be just fine! I am LUCKY to still have what I do, and to be able to look forward to some great things!

Friday.

The weekend really is starting to look as good as the week has been. Today was a great day. I got to see Eric before work, and he even drove me into work because I was so ridiculously late this morning that I think he felt bad for me (and he is just so wonderful and kind).
This morning I opened a letter that came from home last night. Inside was a lovely note from Mom and also a little sample of the bridesmaid dress fabric. I was excited to get this in the mail because this colour is my wedding colour. It's the colour I love and can't describe to anyone. It's the colour that is really hard to match, but that I need to coordinate other important things (such as flowers and accessories and decorations) with. So I am very happy to have that now. It's just one more step in finishing up some wedding plans. Eric and I made some lists this week of things to finish planning and doing and buying and delegating. W got a bunch checked off last night, and I am excited to work on more this weekend!
Also in the mail: A present I ordered for Eric. I am really excited about this gift, and have been waiting for it for a long time. It came up from the States so it cause stuck sitting in customs for a week or so but it is finally here. I can't wait for him to pick me up from work so I can see him and give it him. Mail is honestly the most exciting thing I think. I just love it!
It looks like it's going to be a good weekend of family time, wedding planning, and gift giving. But these next 67 minutes can't go fast enough!

a week full of LUCK

We have been so LUCKY to have some exciting things come our way this week. I really wished this week that I had a camera. There were so many great moments to capture and so many fun things to remember. Many mental pictures were taken.
MONDAY:
I came home from work and Michelle had the evening off. That hardly ever happens. There is hardly a night of the week when Michelle's not working, and I'm not out worrying about things with Eric somewhere. I didn't have much time at home after work before I had to go back out to the gym though. With only 6 more weeks to go when I will have time to work out, my gym time is crucial and very important to me. Michelle and I spent a couple of hours after work engaging in some much needed girl talk and cutting out newspaper clippings to start my next wedding decoration brain wave. It's going to be good. And now thanks to Michelle I am just about ready to actually start working with all the paper we got cut out. Exciting.
TUESDAY:
Was the biggest day of this week. I've never had a really close friend come home from a mission before, when I got to be there. Tuesday was fun because a very special someone (who I have never actually met in person) came home to us from the San Bernardino, California mission. Logan Persson, Eric's younger brother, is now home and safe after two years of diligently teaching and sharing the wonderful gift of the Gospel that has blessed his life and the life of his family and friends. It was so cool to finally meet him. I've seen his pictures everywhere, including baby pictures. I've heard all the embarrassing childhood stories. I've spent countless hours, days and holidays with his family. I received his emails for the last half of his mission. And this week I finally got to meet him. It was very cool!
WEDNESDAY:
The St. Patty's Day leprechauns were out a day early and brought us something very exciting. At school yesterday Eric picked up an envelope of very exciting information. He has been granted a very very cool opportunity that I am so excited for him for. He's worked so hard for it, and it's something he's really wanted for a long time. Someday soon I might even tell you what it is. Right now, it's kind of a secret. It's not really, but I like to keep secrets so this one is going to stay as quiet as possible, for as long as possible. I am just so very excited for him though.
THURSDAY:
Despite waking up today at 6:35 when I am supposed to leave the house at 7 at the latest, I've had a pretty good day. That was a bumpy start, and yes it's true that I haven't washed my hair today, but I have seen a change in my attitude this past week that has been a real blessing for me. I started to be more conscious about praying in the mornings, and spending extra time at work doing productive things like reading and such. It has helped me to stay so positive this week. It hasn't been a supper easy week, but I have been able to pick out so many little wonderful things each day that have made me feel great about life right now.
Here are 17 tender little moments I was LUCKY to see and think about this week:
1. the excitement of family gathered to greet their missionary, returning with honour
2. a little girl more excited than anything about a waterfall
3. a small baby slowing growing into a little boy
4. a family of kids excited to play together and help each other out
5. a moment of gratitude on pay day for the wonderful opportunity I have to be so prosperous
6. good customer service at a cable company (granting me internet adn cable for $10.35 a month)
7. a moment of gratitude for my home and safety while I passed a man smoking pot at 7:45am at the train station
8. time spent catching up with an old friend I don't get to spend much time with these days
9. the excitement on Eric's face when he opened that letter
10. the fact that he writes his last midterm today and we have a free night
11. an email and phone call from home
12. a moment of excitement and confirmation of my decisions this morning as two older people in my office tried to talk me out of being married so young
13. numerous times that the bus showed up right on time and got me to work on time against all odds
14. a ride home from work yesterday from a generous co worker
15. the sunshine and melting snow in Calgary this week!
16. a couple of great motivations talks a read and discussed a little bit with Eric
17. how easily these 17 answers came to me right now
It really has been a wonderful week. I think that probably 15 out of 17 of these could and maybe do happen to me every week, but this week as I worked hard to improve my attitude, they just jumped out to me. I saw the Lord's hand in everything this week, and it made me so much more grateful. Each things I noticed and like about this week I saw as a blessing from the Lord that I really needed. My life really is great, but my attitude has been awful. I am LUCKY to have Eric and his positive attitude to picked me up, make realize I was in the wrong, and start to appreciate the blessing I have and that we have. It really was a wonderful week. I can't wait to see what the weekend will hold.

pretty pink thing.

Well there is really nothing pretty about this little pink frustration I am referring to. Right now I am on a little pink pill that makes me the moodiest person you will ever meet. It's designed to do wonderful things, and so far it's done those, but the side effects are almost outweighing the benefits at this point. Since taking the pill I have been some of my crankiest and moodiest, least motivated, frustrated with life and upset. People say that sometimes that comes with being engaged (which also fits the time line). They say some of your best and worst times as a couple can happen when you're engaged or first married. Some of the hardest, and some of the most fun. Well, I refuse to believe that as much of the bad actually comes from being in this kind of relationship, and more from the fact that I have now been pumped full of artificial hormones for 24 days straight.

Tonight I went from being completely numb, with no motivation to even go to the gym, to being angry and frustrated with Eric, to being angry and frustrated with myself, to laughing at a TV show I normally think is just stupid, to crying because sent Eric home early when I was upset at him (less than an hour before), and I'm not anymore. I miss him now and want him to come back. Unfortunately, I already sent him home and to bed when I was cranky. I hate this little pink pill. I really wish there was a better way to do the good things it's supposed to.

Ugh. That's my rant for tonight. That's all I have to say.

gifts. gifts. gifts.

Today after work Eric and I plan to go register for wedding gifts. I am very excited about this, because shopping for apartment things is my very favourite kind of shopping. I love decorating the house and unpacking boxes, so the idea have soon having a brand new apartment to fill with brand new things is very exciting to both Eric and me. We've picked a couple of places to go look at before we decide which is best. We've picked the Bay, Home Outfitters, and Bed Bath and Beyond. Any suggestions? I can't wait to use those little scan guns, I will have way too much fun with that. This will be just another proof of why a bride needs a groom: to keep her under control when she's [scan] shopping. On my newly married apartment wish list:

Monday mail call

Yesterday was a pretty average Monday. I woke up late, hardly got myself ready, went to work and froze on the way, and had a lousy day at work. I didn't make it to the gym yesterday because my back was SO sore I could hardly even walk. I should have gone anyway to stretch it out and help it get better, but I didn't. I stayed home and made wedding decorations and watched real estate shows on HGTV instead.
This Monday was great though, as far as mail goes. What a good day! Yesterday we were LUCKY to find:
1. Tamara Nalder's mission call. Family and friends of this wonderful girl gathered and predicted as she anxiously waited to open the envelope. Despite her certainty that she would be speaking French, she is headed to the southern states at the end of August.
2. Eric got a letter from the school saying he is on the dean's business list. That was exciting, because it means that all of his hard work and diligence is paying off, and although it is just a piece of paper, I am proud of him for working so hard to get it!
3. Wedding invitations. The invitations came to Eric's house while I was at work, so his Dad told me they were there and I was so excited all day to see them. I noticed as well this week that I ordered the wrong size envelopes (silly me: ones that fit the invites but are just a little too small to fit a photo), so I was kind of nervous to see what else would go wrong with them. On the way to Eric's house, from Tamara's house I convinced myself that I really didn't have the right to be nervous about opening mail after that, so I decided not to worry about what colour pink they turned out to be, or what kind of paper it ended up being like. Which was fine, because they ended up being PERFECT. I designed them myself, so they really aren't anything fancy or spectacular. They look just how I wanted them to though, so that is exciting.
Sometimes I just love mail. It can make everyone so happy and excited sometimes!

Organization.

I am a firm believer that organization is key to happiness. I cannot focus my energy or my thoughts when I am a mess, my space is a mess, or my time is a mess. Work is starting to pick up and I em being given real jobs to do now. I am keeping busy and starting to enjoy it. This afternoon I started to tidy one of the drawers that was full of stuff when I got here, and I just couldn't stop there. I started to settle into my desk and it felt good. Things have a place now, and it feels good. I know where to reach for things, and they are all right there ready to be used. It's great! I am happy where I am, and therefore want to settle in.



I'm also starting to organize wedding things a bit more. My room is a bit more organized. My life is a bit more organized.
I'm happy because I'm organized. And I just want to organize everything because it makes me happy. I think that's weird, but I really do think that I'm LUCKY to have it as one of my strengths. It keeps me in order and helps me to be able to get things done for me and for other people. I just love it.

Inspiration.

Tonight I am finally going to get to start making wedding decorations. I can't wait to put all my creative brain waves into action. I can't share details right now (obviously), but I will share with you some inspiration.

I'll be leaving work soon and on my way to Michaels for more inspiration and supplies. I am just so very excited! and LUCKY that it's so close to work so I can get home fast and start working!

Goals.

It being March, the third month of the year, I think it's about time I set some goals for myself. Since that's supposed to be done on January 1st, I think that March 2nd is just about the appropriate time for me to get started. Sometimes I get on these highs of motivation. I don't know where they come from, and can never tell how long they will last, but I just love them when they come. Things are going well. Eric and I are doing well. Wedding plans are coming along. Work is starting to pick up so I don't feel useless anymore. Tomorrow is supposed to warm up a bit. My family is safely and securely moved into a new home. I'm not a very positive person all the time, and it's hard for me to ignore the bad things to focus on the good, but right now I am feeling good.
I watched this talk today from the October 2008 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints, and it was so fantastic! I have listened to, read, watched or studied this talk at least 10 times. Every time it is perfect. It is always applicable. It is always encouraging. It is always uplifting.
So I am taking the motivation I have found today and sticking it into my life. First stop: the gym tonight. Sometimes I love the gym, and sometimes I hate it. Today I am going to choose to love it. It will help that it's Wednesday (my favourite day) and Eric will be there with me. If I'm LUCKY I'll be able to keep this motivation to get me through Thursday and the rest of my week, and longer.
So my goals...I have 3 as of right now that I am trying hard to work on before the 30th of April.
(1) To study my scriptures or a talk everyday. This is really something I should be doing anyway, and something I honestly love to do. For whatever reason I am just awful at making it a habit. Eric is really good at this, and together we sometimes read from the General Conference Ensigns on the way to work when he drives me, but I really want to get better at doing it on my own.
(2) Eric is also really good at staying positive. I really want to be better at this. Like I said, I often find it easy to see the negative parts of just about every situation (especially in the winter; there's just something about the cold that gets me so aggravated all the time). I know it probably brings him down when I am so negative all the time, so I really want to try to be more positive for myself and others.
(3) I need to make a habit out of working out. I know I won't change every flaw by April 30 but as long as I'm working on it then I'll feel better about myself. I really am LUCKY (even though I rarely admit it) to be blessed with a high metabolism. I get it from my Dad, along with my blue eyes, and I am grateful for it. But that doesn't mean it's at all perfect. It makes up for some of the effort I lack, but not all of it. A goal I have it to get better at going to the gym. Two or three times a week is all I need to start with, then maybe build up from there. Just something to get me started.
Well now I have talked way more than I planned to and have used up a lot more time. I should be going now so I can finish up a couple jobs before I get out of here. Abs: you are going to hate me tonight!

60 days

It has recently come to my attention that I only have two more months to plan my wedding. Hmmm. When I hear of couple getting engaged and then married in two months I think:

"that's crazy, that's so much work and planning and stress to fit into two months."

Now that my wedding date is 60 days away I am quickly realizing all the things I should have done already, that I have not. I've barely done anything it feels like. There is so much left to think about and plan and organize. We are so very quickly running out of time, and I'm just sitting here ranting about it. (mainly because I have looked at everything from wedding bands, to new apartments, to honeymoon packages today and I am at a stand still without Eric). I had a mini freak out at lunch time today, but Eric has assured me that everything will get done, and offered to sit down with me and work on some stuff tonight. After we go to an institute class on Eternal Marriage.
I really am so LUCKY to be getting married, but so ready to just be done with the wedding. I just want to be married, and not planning this wedding anymore. I want it all just to start coming together on it's own. If anyone has any suggestions for flowers, honeymoon destinations or places to buy wedding bands, please let me know!