I don't know where I'm planning to go with this entry, I don't know what I'm going to write about. I do know that I have not felt upto much of anything lately, and tonight I felt upto writing.
I've mentioned a lot about what's going on here, but I haven't done much character development, as far as this story goes.
Something you must know about me is that I am extremely self motivated: I do things my way, for me, and because I have things to prove, TO ME. I do not like to take advice; I do not like to ask for or accept help with anything; and I, under no circumstance, enjoy being corrected or redirected. Well just by reading, not even needing to know me, I think it's safe to assume that this kind of attitude can raise some frustration. Right now, this is where I have come to. I have spent so long doing it on my own that I don't even know how to ask for help anymore. I refuse to, even when I know I should (and I do know that I should). Beyond being too stubborn to ask for help or advice or whatever, I'm not even motivated enough to do anything different right now.
It's a really weird place I'm in, and I don't quite know how to deal with it. It's very strange. I just know that I've been doing a whole lot of things that mean a whole lot of nothing lately. I don't know how to get back in action, to feel again like I'm being productive. I'm not quite sure how to get back to being me: I miss me, whoever that is.
This was just a little something about me. I'm not a bad person (I don't think), there are just times when I am not motivated to be the best person I know I can be. Right now is one of those times. I'm just scraping by, living a mediocre life. I don't do much, I don't see much, I don't think much and I don't achieve much. I am working toward the next big thing. That thing that will force me onto a real path, (making me able to take sure steps) leading to a real destination. I'll get there eventually, I know I will. But right now I'm working slowly, with no real intention of picking up the speed. Until further notice, I'm just crusing and not peddaling.
katherine elizabeth
I think you are the female version of my Jeremy right now. That does indeed, make you a good person but I see him sitting in a very similar place/frame of mind.
ReplyDeleteFrom the girl sitting on the seat of Jeremy's bike, I hope life both gives you some surprise. It will be for your good (and give you sexy legs, pedalling does that!)
Its good to understand you better though. The joy of sweet blog writing :)